Each student needs to GIVE and GET feedback to/from TWO other students on the first drafts of this essay. Please email the feedback directly to the students and copy me on the email, so I can give you a grade on it. You will be graded on how helpful your feedback is, so don't just say "It looks good, no need to change anything."
1. Title: Does the essay have an interesting title?
2. Thesis: Is it strong and analytical? How can it be improved? Does it accurately reflect the argument being made in the body paragraphs?
3. Body paragraphs: Do an after-the-fact outline of the paper which identifies the purpose and main point of each paragraph. Are the body paragraphs organized and does the organization make sense?
4. Topic and Ending Sentences: Identify any paragraphs that do not have these or have then that need to be stronger or more analytical. Give suggestions where needed.
5. Quotations: Check that all quotations are connected to sentences, introduced, commented on, and cited correctly. Let the writer know if any of them are lacking any of these elements.
6. Summary vs. Analysis: Identify at least one place where the writer can do more analysis.
7. Details: Identify at least one place where you'd like the writer to expand the ideas, say more, or add details.
8. Clarity: Identify three sentences or parts of sentences that are confusing and explain what you think is confusing.
9. Grammar: Identify three grammar errors and tell the writer how to fix them.
10 Overall: Say one thing you like about the essay and the biggest thing that needs to be improved (in your opinion).
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Thursday, February 11, 2016
One last approach to writing a thesis
A thesis is the main argument of your essay, the idea you wish to
defend.
There are many ways to write a good thesis sentence, but, in
general, a thesis contains three elements: a qualification, a general reason
why your thesis is valid, and the exact position you are presenting.
The “topic” of your essay is the general category your essay
is about.
How do you decide on a topic? Well…
What do you have an opinion about? What are some
things that interest you?
Topics are just general categories-- fad diets, zombies,
space exploration, animal rights, etc...
Example of a Topic:
School.
What is one thing about your topic that you believe to be
true, and that you wish to argue?
You may already have a “position” in mind, or you may just
have a general topic you know you wish to work with.
If you do not yet have a position, making a cluster or a map
with your topic in the center is a good way to help yourself find a
position. Another good way is to begin a free write, “I’m supposed to write an
essay about____________. . .” and see where it takes you.
However you get there, write a short statement describing
your position in the space below.
Example of a Position:
Schools have too many people in them!
Is what you say always true always?
Are there exceptions?
Are there good reasons why your position may have a downside?
How can you make your position have a reality check?
What general reasons why your position may have problems can
you admit up front?
To make absolute statements usually causes your essay’s
thesis to seem foolishly simplistic. Get real!
Here’s a trick: begin your qualification with a word like
“although” or “It is true that. . .” Don’t worry if it’s not a complete
sentence.
Example Qualification:
Although schools of over a thousand
students have flourished in America
Step
Four: The Reason
In general why do you believe your position to be correct in
spite of your qualification?
What is the overall good to be gained by agreeing with your
position?
This is a general statement; your specific reasons will
follow in the body of your essay.
Example of a reason:
Small school populations lend themselves
to building a good community of learners.
Step
Five: Put them all together.
In one or two sentences, present your thesis, including a
qualification, a reason, and a position.
The classic, traditional way of combining is to first present
your qualification. This immediately demonstrates your interest in
accuracy. Then present your general reason which demonstrates your thinking
process, and finally the punch line-- your position.
Notice how in the example the qualification comes first,
then the reason, and finally the position which has become a specific
recommendation.
Example Thesis: Although schools of over a thousand students
have flourished in America
And… you’ve got yourself a thesis!
What is a good thesis?
Writing a Strong Thesis Statement
Every
thesis statement is an argument to be proved and supported by the body of the
essay. Remember, if your essay doesn’t support your thesis statement, you have
two choices: change your essay or change your thesis statement.
Weak
THESIS: I learned that if I
procrastinate, my essays will not come out as good.
Strong
THESIS:
Say why:
For many
student writers, procrastination is based on fear; this fear keeps students
from improving their writing because they do not take the time to fully develop
their ideas.
Say why we should care:
Students
should understand that worrying about grammar and spelling too early in the
writing process will actually lead to a less analytical essay.
Say how:
English
teachers often overwhelm students by giving them too many things to think about
when writing essays: thesis statements, grammar, spelling, organization,
audience, etc.
Make specific comparisons:
The key
difference between writing in high school and writing in college is that your
ideas become more important than your form. Therefore, college freshman have to
learn a new way to write.
Make an evaluation:
My high
school teacher’s insistence on teaching me the 5-paragraph essay has actually
hurt my writing skills.
Consider the consequences:
If
students do not take time to write many drafts and revise thoroughly, they will
never learn to fully develop their ideas.
Apply previous/other knowledge:
Knowing
your audience is important; nevertheless, after realizing how much easier it is
to write informally, I am convinced that students should just get their ideas
out when writing a first draft without worrying about grammar.
Questions
to Ask Yourself:
·
Have
I said something specific and meaningful? Have I used specific names, examples,
dates, facts, etc., and said something about them?
·
Have
I said something arguable? What’s the point if everyone will agree with you or
if everyone already knows this?
·
Can
I support my thesis? Can I think of specific examples and evidence? Does every
point I bring up support my thesis or do I need to revise my thesis statement?
·
Is
it specific enough to write about in the required number of pages? Or would
someone have to write a book (or a set of encyclopedias) to fully support my
thesis?
·
Is
my thesis relevant to the assignment? Does it do what my teacher asks (i.e.
argue, summarize, compare/contrast)?
·
Does
it show my ability to think critically about the subject? Does it answer one or
more of the 5 Ws?
·
Can
I combine any of the above strategies to make my thesis even stronger and still
answer “yes” to the above questions?
Strong Thesis Statements are the Foundation of a good essay!
Thesis Statement Worksheet
Directions: 1) State if the following thesis is weak or
strong. 2) Explain why. 3) Rewrite to make it stronger if needed.
Example: Crime must be stopped. Weak because it is a general
statement. What crime? Where?
1. The court needs to implement stronger sentences.
2. Charles Dickens is a good author.
3. History is an important subject.
4. Charles Dickens uses the setting of his novels to
emphasize the theme of class division.
5. Socialism is the
best form of government for Kenya because it will promote equal opportunity for
workers.
6. If the government takes over the copper industry in
Kenya, it will become more efficient through regulation and standardization.
7. Sigmund Freud is
one of the greatest psychologists in medical history.
8. Because Banana Herb Tea Supplement promotes rapid weight
loss that results in the loss of muscle and lean body mass, it poses a
potential danger to customers.
9. Movies are becoming more and more daring in their subject
matter.
10. Both the film and the novel show how a character can
change because of another person.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Snow Day Poems
Snow Day
Today we woke up to a revolution of snow,
its white flag waving over everything,
the landscape vanished,
not a single mouse to punctuate the blankness,
and beyond these windows
the government buildings smothered,
schools and libraries buried, the post office lost
under the noiseless drift,
the paths of trains softly blocked,
the world fallen under this falling.
In a while, I will put on some boots
and step out like someone walking in water,
and the dog will porpoise through the drifts,
and I will shake a laden branch
sending a cold shower down on us both.
But for now I am a willing prisoner in this house,
a sympathizer with the anarchic cause of snow.
I will make a pot of tea
and listen to the plastic radio on the counter,
as glad as anyone to hear the news
that the Kiddie Corner School is closed,
the Ding-Dong School, closed.
the All Aboard Children’s School, closed,
the Hi-Ho Nursery School, closed,
along with—some will be delighted to hear—
the Toadstool School, the Little School,
Little Sparrows Nursery School,
Little Stars Pre-School, Peas-and-Carrots Day School
the Tom Thumb Child Center, all closed,
and—clap your hands—the Peanuts Play School.
So this is where the children hide all day,
These are the nests where they letter and draw,
where they put on their bright miniature jackets,
all darting and climbing and sliding,
all but the few girls whispering by the fence.
And now I am listening hard
in the grandiose silence of the snow,
trying to hear what those three girls are plotting,
what riot is afoot,
which small queen is about to be brought down.
Billy Collins, “Snow Day” from Sailing Alone Around the Room: New and Selected Poems (New York: Random House, 2001). Copyright © 2001 by Billy Collins. Reprinted with the permission of Sll/Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc.
Source: Sailing Alone Around the Room: New and Selected Poems (Random House Inc., 2001)
Source: Sailing Alone Around the Room: New and Selected Poems (Random House Inc., 2001)
Monday, February 1, 2016
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